DARE I HOPE THAT BOTH SIDES LOSE?

If we can change Columbus Day to Indigenous People's Day, can we now please change Election Day to Revolution Day? Please?

I live with a feral cat whose favorite place to sit is on the floor of my bedroom closet. Today that looks very inviting to me and I just may join her there for a week or a year or two or more. It isn’t just the realization that Ms. Brawny and Mr. Bounty are in reality the cheap, non-absorbent brands, faking quality few are fooled by anymore.

What’s really worse is so many of us nonetheless insist on playing the same silly game every four years. Let’s pretend that this time it really means something. I’m with Mark Twain who said, must be a hundred years ago at least, “If voting made a difference, they’d make it illegal”. It’s also that I can’t think of anyone I want to control my life and choices more than I want to do so myself without interference from people who care as little about me as I do about them. Well, maybe they care a little more than I do. They would like my vote after all. And what would I like? I would like them all to sit down and be quiet.

Why is it that every time someone gets elected to a political office, I develop a sudden and serious aversion to the sound of their voice. What’s especially troubling about this particular election is the elevation of Mr. Bounty to the closest we can come to a super-absorbent, save-the-day hero. Seems like we’re really in trouble. I used to have as little trust and respect for Mr. Bounty as the narrative expects of its good and obedient citizens. I think it was at the start of the covidian hoax that they started pushing a “plant-based diet” relentlessly. In keeping with my long held skepticism for everything we’re told to believe as the new gospel, I immediately ordered and read “The Great Plant-Based Con by Jayne Buxton. And stopped eating vegetables. But from that I started taking a second look at ex-President Trump. After all, the narrative was presenting him as the unholy meat in the sacred garden of plant-based, chemical laced impossible-to-believe-it’s-actually edible edibles.

That’s when I started realizing either A. The megalos are really scared of him, or B. They’re trying to make us believe they hated him so we’d be more likely to vote for him when he’s actually fully as on board with destroying the planet as they are. Which is how Mr. Bounty became our anti-hero hero. Ms. Brawny became the heroine of all those who want the government to grant women the right to abortion. Personally, I want the government to butt out of women’s (and men’s) health care choices, except of course they never intervene in men’s choices anyway do they?

The problem of course is that with the mutilation of Title IX, and the apparent erasure of women altogether by Ms. Brawny’s party, before you can get an abortion you’ll have to prove you’re actually a woman which you can’t because even the name “woman” will have been criminalized by then.

So my decision is made. I’ll be spending the entirety of Election Day in my bedroom closet accompanied by eggs, cheese and meat sticks. And a whole roll of the super good quality paper towels - at least with those we get a real choice.